Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
