i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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