well you can't waste a boner
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
