can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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