3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at about main and main street
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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