Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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