my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
