I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
