I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
