Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
