yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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