i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You're like the curious george of whores
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just invented taco cereal.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
