my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
