Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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