I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
