i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
