I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
