This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
