Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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