So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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