you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
