I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
