I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
