Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
