Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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