I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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