New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
