ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
