Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
