Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
