"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
