I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
