Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
