If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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