I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
