The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
