Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dicks are not precious.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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