I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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