I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You dont lie about slip and slides
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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