You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
