you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
