Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
