I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
