From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
