mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
