Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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