So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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