How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
