I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
