So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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