hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
