Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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